Last Call Mr. Alcohol

Getting over the facade of what could be is a hard thing to do sometimes. We should all have the ability to separate out hearts from our loins as adults. Sometimes it sounds good, but the actions are seriously lacking. Sporadic attention does not warrant my loyalty. Get into this soliloquy real quick:

I know he's not worthy of me. I can't help myself. The way he talks, walks, style of dress, and the tone of his voice sets my hormones aflame. It's like being an alcoholic at the bar. Obviously, you have a problem if you actually LIKE the taste of rail liquor when the top shelf is more smooth and definitely more befitting of an advanced palate. I digress. He's my addiction. What's the cost? I gambled all my morals and values and seemingly lost. Send me more shots until I topple over in a drunken stupor. Phone vibrates. Ignore it! Who am I kidding? I always respond to him. Stupid bitch. This can't be healthy. He shows up, I throw it back. Here we go again. I'm drunk off you. No, WASTED to be exact. You do nothing to fuel my energy. You drain it. I ignore the text so you call back-to back. It's 3 am and I'm right back at the bar. The head's so good, thoughts spinning. Wet as an ocean. My cup runneth over. I'm drunk and you know it. No sobriety tonight. My senses are working overtime. I know you're mine. Stop acting like you care. Stop feeding me rail liquor. 

Your terms is what this situation is based off of. I lie and say it's cool. "It is what it is". Truth is, it's not what I want. Why won't you change? How can a woman be so strong and so weak at the same time? He tells you that you are his, you believe him. You know this song is sung to more hearts than yours. I swear you off. I block your number. I'm lying again. You weak bitch. I can't stop thinking about him. I need an AA meeting. I'm driving to the bar again. No chaser. Self sabotage. Love mirage. He's so selfish. Why do you keep coming back? I like the taste. I'm drunk again. 

The evasive, persuasive, manipulative cycle continues. Disappearances without notice, no solace. Pop back up, open wide, more lies. I'm too smart for this. Laying alone with thoughts that intoxicate. I find myself driving to the bar. I need a fix. I'll wean myself off you one of these days.

Not tonight. I like the taste. Let's pretend that this a means to an end, until I decide to do it again. I really need to wean myself off you. I don't care. Jaded and faded...hungover. I don't wanna be loved anyway. 

Morning Meme 2: Inch High Private Eye

When Duval posted this, I HOLLERED!! It is actually true though. You know all humans start off as having no sexual assignment but the clit is there first. The clit either stays or a penis develops to become a male. So, in theory, you were probably meant to be a girl sir. What we aren't gonna do is pretend like that little pecker is aesthetically pleasing, as that would be a lie. In actuality, women only require 2-3 inches of dick to reach the g-spot, we just have become greedy whores that like to bite off more than we can chew. Most men will never admit that they have puny peckers, especially since women pump their ego up for monetary reasons or status. I'm not putting up with it! I'm not in the mood to scissor tonight sis. If I wanted something I already had, I would go get some boobs to match and have a true lesbian experience. Humble yourself smadam. Make sure you lower your voice when talking to me as well. Only big dick makes demands around here. You ask permission.....

Morning Meme: Utterly Turned Off

Now Listen! I a not one to body shame anyone. You know what...fuck that body shaming shit. You sensitive ass people have made a way to silence all the free thinkers and speakers of the world. I wanna know what in the moo cow utter cluster fuck this is! Good man aside, you can't just spring these 4 inch nipples on a girl. You've got to warn me about your oddities within that month we are supposedly dating. If you don't find a way to slide in the fact that you're breastfeeding with elongated nipplage, then we are gonna have a major problem when you peel your shirt off. That taco meat must go as well Isaac Hayes. If you look close and slowly back away, his chest looks like two mylar balloons awaiting the string to be tied. It's a HARD PASS for me. Not to be shallow, but this is a puddle-worthy post. *shrugs shoulders*

Loco Labias

Crazy isn't cute you dummy. Why would you want to be around a person that makes you "crazy"? Being paranoid every time your man leaves the house, opens his phone, or interacts with another female is UNHEALTHY. You do realize that people are gonna do as they please regardless of your presence and pressure. If anything, your constant accusations and paranoia will drive them to do the shit you claim with justification. I her stories about women doing full-on stake outs, sitting in front of their mate's home, job, and even family member's houses to see if their hunches are true.

One thing about me is that I am big on privacy. You know the saying "Do unto others". Well, yeah... do that. I have NEVER popped up on someone unannounced, nor have I tried to jailbreak a cell phone. I have never called a female to "come to her as a woman", or damaged any property. The only person that looks like a gotdamn fool in those situations is YOU bitch. You think that's love? Stressing out about the whereabouts of a penis does not pay the bills chile. Stalking someone's social media leaving comments and sliding in folks DM is not going to scare the hoes away. People don't have respect for themselves, so why the fuck would they have respect for you and your situation? I'm sorry but having the police called to my residence, having to go to court etc. is not the way a diva conducts herself. What y'all need to do is start tightening up your boundaries, and stop ALLOWING a MF to manipulate you, take you for granted and lead you astray. You know that thing called intuition? No matter how much we wanna ignore it, it's a real thing. Energy shifts, and you damn sure don't need to see your boo's texts to see when shit has changed (and not for the better).

We really have to stop putting so much effort in trying to save dead relationships. If you have to constantly remind your dude how you need to be treated, he doesn't care sis. If you used to have cute dates planned for you, flowers delivered to your job, whatever corny shit you did (lol), and he doesn't do it anymore, it's because he's become complacent, or he's stroking a new cat. You can't control the feelings and actions of others! What you can control is your reaction to the action (or the lack there of). Stop posting all your relationship quarrels online. Stop looking to others for advice on how to handle YOUR relationship. If you sit a person down that claims to love you, and they make NO EFFORT to do better shortly thereafter, you need to decide whether to remain a doormat, or to let go of the toxicity and do better for yourself. STOP BEING DESPERATE FOR LOVE. Stop calling those women's phones, sending them messages and breaking their windows. If he wants to cheat he will. Occupy yourself. Get some money, get a hobby, get a bigger, better dick. Get your life!

Daddy On Duty

Single fathers that are involved in their kids lives tug at my heart strings. I was in the store watching this guy interact with his son just now, and it really made my heart smile. I saw no ring, no woman in sight, but I did hear him say that he was going to let him play the game before bed. To top it off, both of them were adorable, so I had to tell him that. He said thanks and told me I was cute too but the little one was a tad rowdy so I let him go about his evening.

Society paints such a bad picture of men nowadays, like it's only women that are in toxic relationships. I know PLENTY of good dudes that get treated like shit, but choose to stay with a woman because they have kids, or because child support court is where they'd end up the minute they left. That's imprisonment right? Women get awarded custody without hesitation, even if there's evidence of neglect. I know men that are literally fighting just for visitation rights. The mother isn't' really thinking about the best interest of the kids, but is rather on a tyrant to ruin him because he no longer wants HER. I always encourage my men to remain steadfast in their situation. You actually do have rights. Don't just allow the payments to be enough, and your love limited at the behest of court orders. I salute any single fathers out here that are making ends meet, and still finding the time to entertain me lol. Just wanted to jot this blurb down while thinking about it. I appreciate you for real. I should've gotten the number though.....damn.

Morning Meme: Saving Myself

Is there an age cutoff to care about shit like this? Will I forever teeter on the decision to just GET SOME or be a good girl and play with one penis at a time? Is it sad that I remember every sexual partner I've ever had including their full names? Am I more of a prude than I lead on? I know women that average 10-20 sexual conquests a year! I keep recycling the same dick in an effort to keep my body count down lol. What psychological damage is this doing? I feel guilty when I have sex with more than one person in a year. I have never gone through a "hoe phase" in my 20's or early 30's, so am I missing out on anything? How do we do this? Do you have  few partners in a week? The same day? I need the rule book! So many women have freed themselves from stereotypes and stigma, and are just LIVING! Not to say that sleeping with a bunch of men is liberating, but they might be onto something. I know we all have thought of some crazy shit before, but never acted on it. Who's gonna know if you indulge? If you're safe, and smart about the confines of the situation, get you some dick. This is not a game for those that fall fast. Every man you meet isn't gonna be marriage material, so why deprive yourself of releasing Oxytocin! Use them for what they're good for! I need to take my own advice, and maybe one day I will lol. The issue with me is that I'm a germaphobe, so the thought of a bunch of strangers in my personal space makes me cringe. All those bodily secretions mixing with not enough time to cleanse....okay self...STOP! Too much thinking and not enough humping. Get some for me while I internally struggle with my pornographic thoughts with no action to follow. Freaks!

Revolving Doors

I came across this on an astrology page, but it can be applied to all zodiac signs. Do you ever wake up one day and get sick of being the forever understanding, always available one? I swear you MF's have killed the phrase "I'll be there whenever you need me" with your manipulative asses! So, let me say that I will NOT be available! I will not be in the rotation one day and then out the next. You will keep an open line of communication, and I require your undivided attention when I'm in your presence! No it's NOT okay for you to disappear into thin air for weeks and/or months on end, only to pop up via text or social media to reintroduce yourself. I don't give a fuck what I used to allow. Today is a different day bitch! The air is smelling like...a new man! A better cut of meat! Eureka!

I realized the revolving door I used to have in my heart, mind, and bed was under construction, and I have recently unveiled a solid gold vault that you are unable to penetrate! The empty promises, the faint picture of the future people will paint should not be a catalyst for you to put up with less than you deserve. A pro will make you believe that things are the way they are due to your lack of action. How do you give a person that's all over the place your all? Who the fuck benefits from "what if's" and maybe's?  I will NOT give situationships monogamous relationship privileges! I will NOT do back flips on your dick, cook, clean, do laundry...NONE OF THAT SHIT. I get three minutes of dick, a headache, and a host of  wyd texts, and I'm expected to swoon? Kiss my ass! Y'all gotta understand something. A woman that knows her full potential and value is a dangerous being. People like myself with bleeding hearts tend to give folk more chances than they deserve, trying to see the

good in them and awaiting their promised growth/change. In the end, the perpetrator will just use you as long as you allow them to. They think you're sweet and sex drunk. Nah, I'm really just giving you a chance to see what you stand to lose. I keep my options open, and also date in the meantime. Only a dummy will put all their eggs in one basket when dealing with a person that thinks that life revolves around them (pun intended). Stop giving people leeway to do whatever they please. Nip that shit in the bud. If you want to be in my life, pettiness and tit-for-tat shenanigans will be moot . I don't have time to court men in 2019. You don't call me, I won't call you. You don't make plans to see me, I will make plans to see someone else. You don't put forth any effort, you get dismissed. You want to be the only one, you need to reciprocate. I don't care how irreplaceable you think you may be dear heart, there is a man with more on the horizon, so go be mediocre with a bitch that has low self esteem, empty pockets, and a yearning for acceptance. I don't fit the description!

2018 Retrospective

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Late as fuck per usual! Listen guys, I promised a year ago to update content on a weekly basis, since daily was becoming more cumbersome. I have failed you all. I received messages on all my social media platforms about how you loved my posts, and wanted new updates. I honestly didn't think you were paying me any attention. I guess you never know who you're reaching, and what a simple laugh can do to brighten someone's day.

My goal is to transition to vlogging, but again, the time taken out must be steady and without inhibition. Amidst my vanity, and multitude of ideas that I start and don't finish, I say to you:

*places hand on heart*

"I, Melonie the MF G, vow to bring you more raw and uncut material on a weekly basis. I promise to continue to be myself, and not conform to anyone else's ideas of what's acceptable. I will make you laugh, disgust you, and also provide great educational information. On this I solemnly swear" 

*removes hand from heart*.

Moving along.....

This year has started off without excitement for me. I definitely took my time to think about my bucket list. Of course my fat ass wants to get in shape, but I never hold myself to that. it all depends on what I'm trying to accomplish. My gym membership has dust on it, and I honestly have no excuse for not using it. I feel much better when I work out, and my sex drive seems to increase. I feel heavy and sleepy all the time, so the water must increase, the fast food must be cut out completely, and the gallon of water a day has to be reinstated. Sounds simple right? Lol. Unfortunately, when hanging out with friends fulla THC and Cliquot, one doesn't lean toward the healthy side of the menu. Bring on the fried food bitch!! What else is new with me? I'm still single, and honestly have become so comfortable with being able to choose who I entertain, I don't even think about a future filled with marriage. I want attention when I do, and when I don't, I don't want you in my house. Sounds crazy to some, but it makes perfect sense to me lol. Everyone says I think this way because I haven't met "The One", and they may be right. In the meantime, I shall remain focused on the PRESENT and continue to be stingy with my time and affection. Feelings don't generate revenue, so unless you  plan on being dependent upon someone else, you better learn to separate your heart from your private areas. You'll be shit outta luck in this generation. People only do what's convenient for them, and your feelings are secondary. 

I feel like I'm rambling, so I'll end things with my latest venture. I am in process of becoming a certified Sexuality Expert/Coach!! I have always been a trusted source by many to discuss their relationship and sexual issues, as I always give sound and honest advice, without inserting myself. I plan on using my expertise to empower men and women. Healthy body image, healthy sex (whether single or taken), and of course bringing my crazy personality in the mix. I plan on doing parties, retreats/seminars, groups, couples, etc. I hope to provide guidance to older couples, young couples, teens, gay, bi, straight, EVERYONE lol. I am just becoming a one stop shop I tell ya!! Raise your imaginary glasses to another year of putting up with me!! Love ya!

Lovers and Friends

Do you think it's possible (or healthy) to remain friends with someone you once loved? I say it all depends on the situation. If the split was amicable, then I don't see an issue with remaining cordial. If you were friends with a person before taking it to the next level, I think you can still be friends. I am still cool with majority of my past lovers, boyfriends, etc. In my case, shit just didn't work out. This doesn't mean the individual must be thrown in the ex flames to smolder possible future indefinitely. The caveat is, you might not be able to get over a person if you entertain them too soon after a breakup, so you need to give yourselves some space to figure things out. Hell, you might realize that breaking up wasn't the anecdote, and you might want to work through whatever issues you had.  Sometimes, things just aren't meant to be at THAT time, but shit changes and people grow up (unless of course they don't). Staying friends with an ex has its boundaries. Sexual attraction may never fade, but as an adult, you have to look past mere physical attraction to really gauge the longevity of a situation.

Now, if a MF was out here slanging wang and vagine to anyone that looked twice, that shouldn't be easily overlooked. Any disrespectful action toward a person that was loyal to you warrants the need for termination. I see more often than I'd like to admit, a woman defending the greedy actions of her POS (piece of shit) insignificant other. I don't give a fuck how many squabbles we get into. If your only course of retaliation is to dole out dick, I don't want you back. I have never been THAT mad at my partner that I would go lay up with another. If you feel that you have slipped into oblivion on the relationship atlas, just dismiss this MF and move along. Be single. Enjoy the single life. Keep your communication to a minimum. Always remember, CLOSURE IS A SCAM darling! There is no need for that additional face-to-face meeting, as you'll just end up bent over the arm of the couch taking him back for the 63rd time. It's reckless and weak to be dick-manipulated. Go invest in a vibrator or something if you can't control your loins.

At the end of the day, some folk (no matter how unhealthy) are hard to purge from your system. Everyone around you will have their 2 cent to include, their unwarranted advice, and their told-you-so snarky ass responses. When you're finally fed up with being in an unrewarding situation, you'll sever all ties and hopefully find solace in the arms of a more deserving individual.