Last Call Mr. Alcohol

Getting over the facade of what could be is a hard thing to do sometimes. We should all have the ability to separate out hearts from our loins as adults. Sometimes it sounds good, but the actions are seriously lacking. Sporadic attention does not warrant my loyalty. Get into this soliloquy real quick:

I know he's not worthy of me. I can't help myself. The way he talks, walks, style of dress, and the tone of his voice sets my hormones aflame. It's like being an alcoholic at the bar. Obviously, you have a problem if you actually LIKE the taste of rail liquor when the top shelf is more smooth and definitely more befitting of an advanced palate. I digress. He's my addiction. What's the cost? I gambled all my morals and values and seemingly lost. Send me more shots until I topple over in a drunken stupor. Phone vibrates. Ignore it! Who am I kidding? I always respond to him. Stupid bitch. This can't be healthy. He shows up, I throw it back. Here we go again. I'm drunk off you. No, WASTED to be exact. You do nothing to fuel my energy. You drain it. I ignore the text so you call back-to back. It's 3 am and I'm right back at the bar. The head's so good, thoughts spinning. Wet as an ocean. My cup runneth over. I'm drunk and you know it. No sobriety tonight. My senses are working overtime. I know you're mine. Stop acting like you care. Stop feeding me rail liquor. 

Your terms is what this situation is based off of. I lie and say it's cool. "It is what it is". Truth is, it's not what I want. Why won't you change? How can a woman be so strong and so weak at the same time? He tells you that you are his, you believe him. You know this song is sung to more hearts than yours. I swear you off. I block your number. I'm lying again. You weak bitch. I can't stop thinking about him. I need an AA meeting. I'm driving to the bar again. No chaser. Self sabotage. Love mirage. He's so selfish. Why do you keep coming back? I like the taste. I'm drunk again. 

The evasive, persuasive, manipulative cycle continues. Disappearances without notice, no solace. Pop back up, open wide, more lies. I'm too smart for this. Laying alone with thoughts that intoxicate. I find myself driving to the bar. I need a fix. I'll wean myself off you one of these days.

Not tonight. I like the taste. Let's pretend that this a means to an end, until I decide to do it again. I really need to wean myself off you. I don't care. Jaded and faded...hungover. I don't wanna be loved anyway.